Joe Jonas is getting married…

We're heartbroken!

October 16, 2017

Waking up to multiple texts from friends asking if you’re okay (or offering their condolences) can never be good, especially when you have no idea what these messages are about. I’m a professional pessimist so my mind immediately jumped to the worst case scenario, but I never could have prepared for the news delivered to me in my groggy first moments awake.

Joe Jonas is engaged. And it’s not to me.

And sure, I know it was never a possibility… but at the same time, I wholeheartedly believe it could have been. I attended their world tour in 2009 and we made eye contact. That was all I needed to keep the dream alive. If you were a fan of boy bands (or brother bands) and didn’t think they’d see you in the crowd & start a relationship straight out of an adorable fanfiction, you weren’t doing it right.

And the thing is like… I earned this marriage.

I stood by him through all of his questionable hair phases. I attended the Fastlife tour. I stayed strong through the JB hiatus, and have continued my quest to force them back together after they separated again. I have been looking out for him for nearly a decade, and now… I must pass the torch to Sophie Turner.

I know I’m not alone in this. While we all know our chances weren’t good statistically, I think we held out hope it would be one of us — if only just to prove that all these years of steadfast love weren’t in vain. Now that door has closed and we will never see what could be on the other side of it. But you know what they say: one door closes & another one opens. Or maybe two doors close and one is still open but we gotta HURRY.

I’d love to end this on a positive note but I’m still sulking. Their wedding photos are going to be absolutely phenomenal and he’s probably going to sing “Hello Beautiful” to her instead of giving a speech at the reception. I guess the one upside is that my boyfriend is now 33% less scared that I’m going to suddenly get up one day and take off to live out my teenage dream. So good for him, I guess.

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