Taylor Swift can’t even find privacy from the inside of a suitcase anymore

Thanks, Zayn.

November 16, 2018

With the Zuckerbergs and the Googles of the world constantly trying to peek over the virtual picket fence and into your life, privacy is as much of a limited and cherished resource as natural gas, or drinkable water five years from now. If you’re a celebrity though, privacy is something else entirely, closer to unicorns or “A Good 2010s Eminem Album” in the sense that it doesn’t exist, not even on the inside of a giant suitcase. Just ask Taylor Swift.

The saga of the Swift-stuffed suitcase began back in July, when an image surfaced on Splash News, an online repository of candid celebrity photos, that the website bizarrely described as “Taylor Swift being transported in a huge suitcase from her Tribeca apartment into her trunk.”

Though Splash would later officially retract the photo’s strange description, citing a lack of personal verification on the photographer’s behalf, the strange circumstances of the picture were made all the more interesting, verifiable or not, from the manner in which they fell in line with a pre-existing fan theory that Taylor Swift was being transported in and out of her apartment via box.

Well now, due to the rampant voyeurism of the Internet age (and a helping hand from Zayn Malik), “Taylor Swift seeks privacy from the inside of a suitcase” isn’t just a fan theory or bizarre stock image headline, but a reality that reflects the never-aloneness of our times.

In an interview with British Vogue, Malik shared, while discussing paparazzi and Swift’s uncanny ability to avoid them, the sentence “She was travelling around in a suitcase.” Though only seven words long, each one has burned down Taylor Swift’s Trojan Horse of personal space with the fire of million suns.

Swift’s reps have yet to confirm or deny Malik’s bombshell, but why would they bother further desecrating the secret that was so necessary in helping Swift get some much-needed me-time. Will she even leave her apartment now that her suitcase secret is out? How long until photos emerge of two burly men carrying a suspiciously-massive Edible Arrangement in and out of Swift’s apartment? We can only hope that Taylor finds the next human-sized vessel that will allow her to go back to living her life.

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