5 April Fools’ music stories that were too good to be true

Protect yourself against April Fools' pranks with this public service announcement.

April 1, 2016

Ah, April 1st, when the internet at large agrees to throw the usual lipservice to journalistic integrity out the window and go for broke. “Oh, AUX, you fuddy-duddy! Live a little! Fake music stories aren’t gonna hurt anyone!” Tell that to the poor rubes who have their heart broken, year after year, thinking that Kanye is going to do a duet with Korn, or whatever. Won’t someone think of these poor dolts!? How much more abuse can the average Tool fan take?!

Well, we’re not gonna sit back and let it happen anymore, so, as a public service, we’ve compiled your online guide to steering clear of today’s satirical minefield, as regards to music stories anyway. For once, you won’t become the “Foole of the World” of your friend group, and be forced to do the traditional Jester’s Dance while avoiding the heaving of rotting vegetables and detritus aimed at your dunce-capped noggin. What? You guys don’t do that? I’m NEVER trusting another Kanye and Korn story as long as I live. In the immortal words of George W. Bush, “Fool me once… you can’t get fooled again”.

No, Fugazi are not reuniting for a new EP because of Donald Trump

Source: FACTMag

Plausibility: High

Some well-thought out, tongue-in-cheek details lend this one credibility: I can just picture Ian MacKaye and co. expounding, at tiresome length, on the “utter horror show” of Donald Trump. Unfortunately for all of us, there’s no way this one is true: G.O.O.D. Music artist HXLT being in the same room as the D.C. heroes is about as likely as Ian MacKaye being a Snapchat addict.

No, Spotify isn’t launching a vinyl app/device/service/whatever it’s supposed to be

Source: Spotify, of course

Plausibility: Low

Hell is tech bros trying to be funny. You know you’ve got too much money when your April Fool’s fake promo video has production values on par with Batman v. Superman.

No, Frank Ocean doesn’t have a new EP out today, much less two

Source: Audiomack

Plausibility: Low

While “You Swim Good Too” is a decent title for a fake Frank Ocean project, filling it up with ocean sounds is about as lowest-common denominator as a joke can get. Swim better.

No, Zumba and Roomba aren’t teaming up to “bring the party to cleaning”, whatever that means

Source: Zumba, Roomba

Plausibility: Medium

Honestly? Not that bad of an idea. I bet I could get a prototype going with just a roll of duct tape. *18 hours later* “Almost! Hey, do we have any more duct tape?”

No, Andrew WK probably isn’t 100% serious about his Party Party

Source: Andrew WK himself

Plausibility: ???

A high-quality website and promo video does not a real political campaign make, but let’s throw caution to the wind and assume (read: hope) this one is true. It’s not like the U.S. presidential race can get any more absurd.

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